HOW TO AVOID THE INCREDIBLY HIGH COST OF DIVORCE!

By Kenneth O. Peterman

Divorce has a big price tag! The destruction of the family, separation of the children, the negative effects of the emotional turmoil are only a few of the damaging ingredients of divorce. And if you are someone who is concerned with the financial aspect of divorce, it usually costs much more than one imagines.

You can cut these costs by working out your differences and staying married! But how to do it is the rub. The Word of God provides the way to help you to begin -- through forgiveness.

Forgiveness is the only legitimate biblical response to all marital difficulties including adultery. Many interpret the "exception clause" in Matthew 19:9 where Jesus says, "And I say unto you, Whoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, commits adultery. . . " without ever considering the general context.

Observe that the entire previous chapter (Matthew 18) is given over to forgiveness. If the topic of a single verse of Scripture is important, how much more vital is a subject if a whole chapter is devoted to it? It is certainly no coincidence that the subject of forgiveness precedes Jesus' teaching in Matthew 19:9.

The first twenty verses of Matthew 18 emphasize the vulnerability of the weak individual and stress the restoration of the lost and erring brother. It focuses on the humble attitude necessary for true forgiveness. The following questions emerge from these first verses of Matthew 18:

1. If we are to possess a childlike mind where no personal grudges, ambitions or bitterness exists, (Matthew 18:1-4) how can we justify an unforgiving and hardhearted spirit toward a spouse?

2. If we are to seek and restore the weak (Matthew 18:11-15), how can we ignore a spouse who is caught in the weakness and shame of adultery? God wants us to gain a brother, not lose one through divorce.

3. If we are to restore a sinning brother (Matthew 18:15), how much more should we seek to restore a sinning spouse with whom we are one flesh?

The high standard of forgiveness is encouraged in Matthew 18 but still some might say, "Yes, everyone knows that forgiveness is the ideal in Christianity but when is enough, enough? When does a Christian have a right to face an irreversible situation and call it quits?"

History tells us that the Pharisees, the Jewish religious leaders of Christ's day, encouraged people to forgive three times for the same offense. If we measure this standard of the Pharisees by our own behavior when forgiving others, we will quickly realize that forgiving three times for the same offense is not an easy thing to do.

In Matthew 18:21, Peter amazingly extends this number of forgiveness to seven times. He dared to stretch the limit of forgiveness to what he considered a superhuman level.

But Jesus blows everyone's mind when He said, "I say not unto you, Until seven times: but Until seventy times seven." If Peter's view of forgiveness (seven times) was startling, this remark of Jesus was utterly shocking to the crowd, to the Pharisees, and to the disciples.

Here's the essence: the Pharisees' view stipulated a rule of forgiveness by limiting it to three times. Peter's view, as lofty as it was, still proposed a final atttitude of intolerance. The Lord's statement lifts the discussion of forgiveness out of the legalistic realm altogether. He, in effect, said, "No, Peter stretching forgiveness to a superhuman level is not good enough for my children." The Lord taught that true biblical forgiveness never quits, has no number limits or toleration level.

Forgiveness is the only place to start.

For further information on this subject, order Dr. Peterman's e-book entitled Remain Faithful to Your Spouse in a Soap Opera Society. Click on the title at to top of the page under e-books by the author.